When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
