She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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