I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
