I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
