You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
