I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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