so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
