What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
