Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
