I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
