She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
