Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
