you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
