My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He is an equal opportunity slut.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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