i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
