Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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