It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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