It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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