I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
