I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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