Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
