The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
