he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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