yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
accomplished twins. life is a go
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
