For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
