3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize