i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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