I'm lost and stupid without you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well you can't waste a boner
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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