he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
