i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
