i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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