He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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