I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
