We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
