I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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