i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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