she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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