Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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