so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
