So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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