Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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