You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
