I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
