So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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