i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
