I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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