saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up