Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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  (781): She said she didn't have time to shave "there" (617): Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster. http://tfl.nu/ama3
  Replies (58) Good night (745) Bad night (4548)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen

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  (919): i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen http://tfl.nu/az2y
  Replies (29) Good night (5238) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic

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  (646): vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic http://tfl.nu/5kjv
  Replies (41) Good night (4235) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

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  (512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq
  Replies (8) Good night (3394) Bad night (994)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he even offered to make my bed in the morning.

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  (215): he even offered to make my bed in the morning. http://tfl.nu/d13v
  Replies (37) Good night (8106) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.

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  (270): Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/gp7l
  Replies (7) Good night (2452) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.

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  (610): He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember. http://tfl.nu/2y89
  Replies (6) Good night (1845) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"

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  (423): She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride" http://tfl.nu/esrx
  Replies (11) Good night (2666) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.

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  (916): The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood. http://tfl.nu/ro5l
  Replies (9) Good night (5007) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.

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  (714): I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go. http://tfl.nu/ktl8
  Replies (14) Good night (1845) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage

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  (206): Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage http://tfl.nu/qnyx
  Replies (3) Good night (1831) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Did you get my bra back of the bartender?

  (1+61): View more from

  I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'

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  (+61): Did you get my bra back of the bartender? (1+61): I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile' http://tfl.nu/e0z3
  Replies (4) Good night (1604) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins

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  (917): I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins http://tfl.nu/1uxv
  Replies (6) Good night (1623) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.

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  (405): I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society. http://tfl.nu/cbw1
  Replies (19) Good night (662) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.

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  (832): Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs. http://tfl.nu/d8k3
  Replies (0) Good night (799) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt

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