i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on