woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
