i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
