I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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