Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you will always have a special place in my vag
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
