woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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