Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
