I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
