don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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