I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
