She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
did i just pee glitter
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
