He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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