the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
