dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
