How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
