Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
