I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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