Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
