I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
