gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
