I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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