So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
