my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
