i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
