a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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