one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
