feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
