the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
