You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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